"Gump" Unmasked! Grady Gone Mad!

Sox Lose Game, East,
Manager Length of Little's Second Tour Unknown

Boston, MA (9/24/2004) - Grady Little the much maligned ex-manager of the Boston Red Sox found himself in the same position that forced his firing by Red Sox brass shortly after last years ALCS and later in police custody.

Boston PD would offer little details. It appears that Little managed to slip past ballpark security, and fool his former players and pitching coach so he could pirate the dugout and sabotage his former team. A team that normally lead by current manager Terry Francona. Francona was found gagged with a "Cowboy Up" t-shirt and hog tied Naked Gun style in a Fenway Park utility closet. However, unlike Leslie Nielsen's character Lt. Frank Drebin in the comedy The Naked Gun; who mugged an umpire for his uniform and harmlessly moonwalked around home plate of Dodger Stadium with his signature third strike call. Little took Francona hostage and in doing so moonwalked all over any dreams Red Sox Nation had for the hometown team winning the American League East over the hated Yankees.

It is not know how long Francona was held captive. But authorities believe that based on Francona's condition when he was found that it is likely Little has been controlling the team for the past several days.

"I was shocked" said Johnny Damon. "His make-up artist needs a job in Hollywood! He had us fooled. I hope Tito's OK."

D. Greco

Not Buying What They're Selling

9.22.04: Hear! Hear! Thank you for shedding more light on the dirty secret of Fenway Park. This issue needs to be addressed. Since it is not being addressed by the front office, it needs to be pointed out via the media, Internet and otherwise.

Scalping at Fenway is out of control. I've been to Fenway only twice this season because when tickets went on sale back in February, I was unable to get through via the Internet or the phone on the first day of sales. Finally, on the second day, I was able to get decent seats (i.e. grandstand) to two games: September 1st vs. the Angels and September 20th vs. Baltimore. Both weekday games, which is a bit inconvenient since I live near Portsmouth, NH and have a job.

It sickens me each time I get off the Green Line and get accosted by the bums, thugs and ne'er-do-wells scalping tickets. In past seasons, at least they had the decency to wait until I got out of the subway station. Now, I can barely step off the train before being bombarded by Got tickets? Need tickets? And it continues all the way through Kenmore Square to Landsdowne Street.

As a diehard, honest living, hardworking fan, I ask: Where are the Red Sox in all of this? I refuse to support the criminals on the streets by paying the marked up prices for seats that I cannot get simply because I attempt to get tickets through the legal channels. So, while I play the chump in February, trying to get tickets through official channels, scalpers get to lay back, knowing that, when the time comes, I will have been shut out and will come looking around, wanting two from the stack of ill-gotten tickets they have in their greedy mitts.

Until the front office determines that myself and people like me are the lifeblood of Red Sox Nation, NESN and UPN38 will be my only ticket to the Sox.

Paul Martin, Hampton, NH

Sheesh

9.15.04: I share your frustration over last night's game but your cynicism given the recent stretch is ridiculous and manifests a lack of understanding of baseball. Um, sometimes good teams lose.

I was there and was angry when Millar was picked off. He deserves some razzing.

But Pedro? He struck out 10 in 6 innings and gave up 2 runs. He was over 100 pitches. Forget that Tito is making the decisions anyway but I swear to Christ you would prefer to see him injured throwing 137 pitches. Given the Red Sox have all but clinched a playoff berth, what good would it have done to push Pedro?

And yeah, obviously Trot should be starting.

Patrick Sullivan

Fried Kevin Diet

7.21.04: Hey, I know as well as anybody that Kevin Millar isn't having such a great year. In fact, he kind of stinks. But I think your goin' a bit too far on making fun of the guy, you do remember the past, don't you?

Remember back to 2003. Kevin was our golden boy. He was the light at the end of a 16 inning-long tunnel. He was the "Rally Karaoke Guy," the king of the "Cowboy Up" crew. Remember?!

Now I know that past is the past, but you really have to think of the facts here. Does Millar really belong in the outfield? I think not. So partially, things aren't all his fault. Tito continues to put him into LF or RF when he already knows (HE HAS TO KNOW) that KFK is inadequate in the outfield. I mean, really, you've said yourselves KENTUCKY FRIED KEVIN CAN'T LICK LEFT FIELD! The hitting scenario... well that's just a bunch of junk. He should honestly be hitting the ball! no matter what. But you must remember, he's probably uncomfortable in the outfield, which makes him uncomfortable at the plate as well.

I know, I know, that's no excuse. But think of it this way. What would we do without Millar? He's a sweet guy, and a clubhouse plus. The guy's no mope (a la Nomar) and he brings up everyones spirits, whether he's trying to look like Gunther on Friends or shaving his head completely bald, he's always getting something started.

The "Cowboy Up" crew is through. It's a new year. Things change, and so did Millar. He was once good. Now he isn't. But we all know it! So please, for KFK's sake, tone down the insults.

Sincerely, Kait Pera

What’s Wrong with the Sox?

7.7.04:  What is wrong with these Sox? Well, after tonight’s big win over their wild card rivals from Oakland, most people would say nothing. But don’t let that 11-0 score fool you, this is the same team that lost two of three in Atlanta to the dismal Braves and we all know what happened in Yankee Stadium last weekend. We have a problem. However, maybe the bigger problem is, no one seems to know what is going wrong.  -- The Nation Speaks